my birth chart experiment: phase 4

labs & micro labs: 3/5 profile - the great experimenter - an introduction 👩‍🔬

Long before I ever knew I was a 3/5 profile, I was an experimenter. By the time I learned I was a 3/5 profile, I started to better understand why I had felt the need to experiment throughout my life. I actually only found out I was an experimenter around age 32. 

So how did I know what to do before that? 

With human design there are unconscious and conscious factors. Sometimes it's not until you shine a light on the unconscious that you even know it's there. This is the experience I had. I believe that many people are living out their design without actually being conscious of it. It's like when you experienced this weird feeling that you've been exactly where you are sometime before, but you're not sure when or where, then you explain your experience to someone at a sleepover, who happened to have an older sister, and they revealed to you that this is actually a popular phenomenon, and with a name to boot—like what happened to me in 7th grade with déjà vu.

i'm a kid but i'm still kinda conditioned lab | 1990s

As mentioned in my Manifesto, I grew up in an analog world and experimenting manifested as various hobbies in my childhood. Not only that, but I felt the experimentation happened in hyper speed. I was an only child until 8th grade, so most of my time was filled with trying to entertain myself. I would make up my own games, pretend I was an ice skater in socks on the carpeted floor, tight-rope walk on the vacuum cable, read encyclopedia CDs, retype the backs of VHS tape boxes, dress up my dog, create a magazine cover, pretend I was a barista, spy on my mother, and imagine my bicycle was a car—all in a day's work. I constantly had to be doing something. In fact, here's a literal Diary entry from a baby Manifestor in 1997 (I was 10).

'who am i in the world' lab | 2001-2005

In high school I worked at a bakery, a supermarket, and at the mall. I played two sports (lacrosse and field hockey) and was a member of the dance club and the yearbook club. I took sewing classes, an extra-curricular journalism course, volunteered around town, and had three blogs (a Myspace, a LiveJournal, and a Xanga). That's it? What am I forgetting?

Looking back, at that point, if anyone got in the way of my experiments, I would absolutely launch into my Not-Self theme of Anger. If my mom told me it was time for bed, or the year book club president wanted to layout a page differently than me, or the lacrosse coach wanted me to do a drill I didn't feel like doing, I would become angry. The anger I felt as a child, teen, and into my adulthood was all the same anger. I was meeting resistance when I was simply trying to live as I was designed to, but without two key pieces of the puzzle (Strategy and Authority).

As an adult this culminated in me holding several different career paths (though they were all somewhat related) in the span of 10 years. They are as follows:

a conditioned career lab | 2011-2018

💼 Ad Agency Intern
🥇Promoted to Social Engagement & Copywriter
🏃‍♀️Left with nothing lined up after months and months of anger building over literally anything and everything: colleagues, clients, boss, projects. I knew I had to move on but didn't know how or why. Eventually I came to a point where I could not stay another day.

Boss asked: Is there anything we can do to make you stay?
My answer: No.

💼 Newsletter Editor at a Magazine
🥇Promoted to Special Projects Manager
🏃‍♀️Left because I no longer believed in what the magazine stood for and became angrier and angrier every day at everyone around me. I knew I had to move on but didn't know how or why. Eventually I came to a point where I could not stay another day.

Boss asked: You really want to leave so you can be one of those people who annoys us every day?
My answer: Yes.

💼 Music Publicist
🏃‍♀️Left after a few months because the work did not fulfill me. I knew I had to move on but didn't know how or why. Eventually I came to a point where I could not stay another day.

Boss was bummed but understanding. 

💼Editorial Manager at a Music App
🥇Promoted to Editorial Director
🥇Promoted to Head of Artist Partnerships
🏃‍♀️Left because I no longer believed in what the app stood for and became angrier and angrier every day at everyone around me over literally anything and everything: colleagues, clients, boss, projects, and the work did not fulfill me. I knew I had to move on but didn't know how or why. Eventually I came to a point where I could not stay another day.

Boss asked: Is there anything we can do to make you stay and how long have you been feeling this way?
My answer: No. Since birth.

The above outlines what I look back on as a "a conditioned career lab" which lasted from 2011-2018. I knew nothing about conditioning, but unconsciously followed my emotional inner authority (but without a fine-tuned awareness) which led me in the right direction (I say "right" because I don't regret anything and it all led me here--keep reading to see how I could have met less resistance, however). Those feelings of anger and needing to leave were so overwhelming, it was like my soul was projecting me out of a chair and I couldn't control it if I had tried. Unfortunately, my physical body and conscious mind took all the hits. I was burnt out—a major theme for Manifestors—because I was living in a conditioned space, consciously trying to go against the grain with the types of jobs I landed, but subconsciously going with the grain by keeping a nine to five for the paycheck and benefits. 

That feeling of not knowing how to leave an experiment or why, but just knowing I had to, or feeling unfulfilled, or no longer aligning with a company mission (there was nothing wrong with their mission, it was just wrong for me) is a prime example of just that--not living in alignment.

During 2018, I began what I will call "a creative expression lab" which I believe I am still in. When I look back on the "conditioned career lab," I am supposed to see my mistakes and be able to use that learning in future experiments and experiences. When reading about 3/5 profiles you'll see that most readers talk about the "mistakes" of a 3/5 profile not being seen as mistakes. For me, it goes a step further where I don't even see what these mistakes are. I don't need to make a mistake, call it a mistake, then prevent the mistake in the future. For me the words "mistake" and "regret" are filtered out of my vocabulary. If I made the same mistake again and again during my conditioned career lab, I don't see what it is. What I see is my inner authority was screaming so loud that I couldn't ignore it. Maybe I could have listened to it sooner if I had known to, but that is not a mistake and I don't regret it. Instead, I see all of this as lived experience with purpose. What is the purpose? I may never know, but I at least know this all needs to be shared somewhere. Which, again, is why I'm here.

In my "creative expression experiment" phase, and now knowing more about Human Design, I am aware of the anger I feel and am very easily able to identify the sources. I am able to look at the conscious and unconscious parts of my personality and design in a visual representation of me (How cool is that?). I am also able to utilize my strategy to help me meet less resistance. I am also aware of the emotional waves I consistently find myself in, and now know how they impact my daily thoughts.

So what does the "creative expression experiment" timeline look like, you ask?

creative expression lab | 2018-present

🎨 Founded an independent Risograph zine-printing and brand consulting company
📚 Worked at two book/zine shops
✍️ Started writing a novel
🛍️ Freelanced for a fashion resale start-up
🦋 Started MICRO LABS by creating various IG accounts for different ideas I felt the need to create*
🎂 Work at a bakery*
☂️ Combined all of my interests under one umbrella to be able to pitch myself and pay my bills*

*Indicates current LABS

Where the conditioned career lab took the same form again and again, my new lab phase is more diverse. It may seem more disorganized to you, but it looks beautiful to me. You can still see elements of that constant need to be doing something, but instead of it resulting in anger, it's now resulting in something closer to my ultimate goal of peace. The way I channel it now is by consistently looking for new opportunities for my creative expression: following new ideas, initiating new potential freelance clients, working on my book. I believe whatever my next phase is will be even closer to that goal of peace. I am also able to recognize that the constant need to be doing something is actually an easy way to describe the high of my emotional wave. 

Emotional waves are typical of Manifestor profiles. We can work as much as a Generator or Manifesting Generator, but only when we are ignited to do so. At that point, we must make sure we are in a place of calm, then we must inform others of what we are doing. Then, we must stop before we go too far. Then, we must rest. (Imagine describing this as your management style in an interview LUL.) This is still something I need to practice. I find myself wanting to get all of my creative expression out when I'm in the height of the wave and not after it breaks and rides to the shore (My Environment, funny enough) with ease. 

I'm getting there.

One final thing I'd like to mention as a teaser for a future post, is how I got all of the jobs I've ever had. I got them all in the exact same way: initiating. Which is exactly what a Manifestor does. Stay tuned...

xoxo, The Manifestor Diaries